The birds and the bees

In English, when a parent says they have (or haven’t!) told their child about “the birds and the bees”, he or she doesn’t mean that they have told their child about these animals. “The birds and the bees” is a euphemism – an expression we use when we don’t want to say something clearly and bluntly, often to be polite. “The birds and the bees” is a polite expression meaning “explaining how sex works”, usually to a child.

We use a lot of euphemisms in English – usually when talking about a "taboo" - a subject which is socially unacceptable or considered very private, or even disgusting. For example: death, vomiting, sex, or using the toilet. We do this to be polite. The rest of this blog will be much less polite, in order to explain some of these euphemisms! Call a spade a spade! (Which means “don’t use euphemisms to be polite.”)

• Death

“She passed on last year.” = “She died last year.”

“the late Michael Jackson” = “Michael Jackson, who is dead”

“He’s no longer with us.” = “He is dead.”

“She went peacefully in her sleep.” = “She died peacefully in her sleep.”

• Vomiting

“He was talking to god on the big white telephone." = “He was vomiting in the toilet."

"She was praying to the porcelain god all morning." = "She was vomiting in the toilet all morning."

"I was calling Ralph/Huey on the porcelain phone." = "I was vomiting into the toilet." (The noise you make when vomiting sounds a little like "Ralph" or "Huey".)

“She threw up.” = "She vomited."

“He was chucking his guts up last night!” = “He was vomiting a lot last night!”

“I was running to the bathroom all day.” = “I needed to go to the toilet many times today and/or I have been vomiting all day.”

• Sex

“the beast with two backs” or “the two-backed beast” = “sex”

“They were at it all night.” = “They had sex/were working on it/arguing all night.” This depends on the context. BUT, “I think he’s at it.” = “I think he’s having sex/cheating/lying/stealing/doing something suspicious.”

“Me and my girlfriend finally did it!” = “Me and

my girlfriend finally had sex!” However, “it” could refer to something else, e.g. getting engaged, or doing something they have been thinking about or discussing for a long time. This depends on the context.

• Going to the toilet

“I’m going to see a man about a dog.” = “I’m going to the toilet.” or "I don't want to tell you where I'm going."

“I’m going to the little boys’/girls’ room.” = “I’m going to the toilet.”

“I need to take a leak.” = “I need to pee/urinate.” (NAmE)

“I’m going for a slash.” = “I’m going to pee/urinate.” (BrE)

“I’m bursting!” = “I urgently need to pee/urinate, it is very uncomfortable!”

• ... and now for some birds and bees...

These videos are from Green Porno, a series of short educational videos. They feature Isabella Rosselini, and are about how animals live and have sex. Isabella dresses up as an animal, and explains how the animal lives and reproduces. Because some animals are violent, there are occasionally violent scenes. There are many sex scenes, but they only contain animal puppets (animals or body parts made from material) and Isabella dressed as the animal.

HEY! Listen!!

Please don’t watch these videos at work if puppet sex or violence is a problem!!

(A common acronym when describing links, videos or pictures is "NSFW", which means "not safe for work".)

Bees – how bees live and reproduce. Contains scenes of non-explicit sex and violence.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-V621BxHZQ

Birds – how ducks reproduce. Contains explicit scenes of simulated sex, and sexual violence.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhwXVDi496E